i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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