He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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