can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
