That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
