My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
