She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
