she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
