cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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