My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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