last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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