is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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