had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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