Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
