You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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