Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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