Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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