Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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