I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
