so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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