i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
50% drunk capacity currently
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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