i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
