Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
