i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
