I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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