How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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