I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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