I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
