I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
