Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
