I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
