That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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