you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
