I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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