If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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