I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
