Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
