I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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