need another drink. this is the easiest way
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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