I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
