So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
