I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
