Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
