and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
