If i come over, it means nothing
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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