halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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