He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
