i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
