the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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