OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
