grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
