u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
