Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
