in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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