Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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