Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
