i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
