Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
