My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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