If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
