If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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