I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
