Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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