I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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