You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
