yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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