i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
