If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
